Methhead Faith

Help me have more faith in you and less faith in everything else it is truly awe-inspiring sometimes how your unconscious mind can convey truth to your conscious, often times distracted and crazy, mind. This morning I was writing in my journal and I ended with a simple prayer. Help me have more faith in you and less faith in everything else. That sounds pretty pious and upright doesn’t it? I’d like to think that in some abstract way it is, however, I’m sure it is more offensive than not in most opinions. The source of this logic was found last night after putting down a sacred book, the bible. The book seems so heavy sometimes, not because of the great depth and spirit it was written with, but the supplemental steroids society has placed upon it. I read 4 chapters of a book I’ve been reading and set it down with disappointment. I was unmoved in this reading, unwavering in emotions and no better after I read than before. This is where the offense comes in. How could I say such a thing? My concern is not that I was static, my focus is more on why I felt disappointment afterward and if this is even appropriate. I have no qualms with being honest. Jesus was an advocate for mind and heart being the focal point of necessary revolution. So thinking something, but not saying it deserves no reward. Concealment does not negate existence. Truth is the standard I try to live by, even if that truth isn’t pleasing or “normal”, so I have no problems admitting I didn’t feel a thing after reading the bible last night.

I think out loud, it is something I do; it is my character and personality to do so. The lucky winner of going through this with me is my beautiful fiancée, Julia. Poor girl, she gets to deal with my complex mind and restless soul. After confiding in her last night at my apathetic response to the bible she responded with a heavy yet simple statement, “Are you ever going to be happy, it seems like you’re never satisfied.” She didn’t say this do discourage, this is one of the reasons I am marrying her, she challenges my mind to go places it would not if left alone. She is my external challenging standard. She thinks and sees things at angles I never thought about. I am forever indebted and thankful to her for this. Why was I disappointed after reading the bible? I had a predetermined set of expectations before even picking up the book. The expectations are simple and sound (or have sounded) reasonable to most. The bible is God’s word; therefore, when I read it I am experiencing God. Every time I experience God I should feel invigorated. If I don’t there is something wrong with me. I found great peace this morning by dismissing this assumption. The bible is God’s word, it was inspired by the Holy Spirit, and I get that. I don’t mean to say I get the entire gravity of what that means because I cannot ever truly grasp complete comprehension of the Spirit. The bible is not my source of faith. Am I sacrilegious now? The bible is a tool. The bible is a mean by which God reveals himself to humanity. To say otherwise is to doubt the eternal existence of God because the bible is fairly novel, in the grand scheme of history. In Romans the writer says God reveals himself through his creation. Leaves, flowers, a cool breeze, the beautifully clear water of Lake Michigan, nor a snow capped city are the bible yet are intrinsically God as well. My expectation of extreme neural transduction is a bastard child of religious teachings based in emotions and false expectations. Should I feel a shock wave of tingles up my spine every time I pick it up?

I’ve learned about sensory adaption recently and the concept is simple, your sensory nerves adapt to frequent stimuli. Crystal Meth has become a powerful street drug that is tearing apart lives at an alarming rate. When addicts use meth over and over again, the drug actually changes their brain chemistry, destroying the wiring in the brain's pleasure centers and making it increasingly impossible to experience any pleasure at all. It basically kills the part of the brain that feels pleasure. Little by little it takes more and more to stimulate this part until it eventually dies. The question I must ask myself is how do a meth addict and an obsessive Christian differ? If I am constantly seeking more and more stimulation every time I pick up the bible or indulge in some religious activity I will eventually hit a wall or do things that are extreme and unhealthy. Maybe my faith has been placed in a result rather than an essential principle. Faith in religious stimulation may seem admirable in a room or large population of religious folk, just as a meth addiction doesn’t seem abnormal to other meth addicts. This expectation of emotional and spiritual euphoria as an effect of reading a book doesn’t seem sane or healthy. I should not toss and turn when I don’t experience something “special” when I see the word Jesus, hear of a Christian story, read the bible, or hear some old hymn. Jesus taught about peace and love. Following a God of peace shouldn’t look so violently restless should it? My trust should be in basic truths, God is omnipresent, God is love, or God never leaves me. A faith should not be based on feeling good after reading the bible or seeing direct results. My faith should be in God regardless of emotional stimulation. So I end where I began. Help me have more faith in you and less faith in everything else. That seems simple, peaceful, and more along the lines of what I think Jesus would want.

TheKnot

This is our wedding website, put together so nicely by my bride to be, J. Enjoy!

TheKnot

RELEVANT Magazine - Don Miller Responds to Pat Robertson

RELEVANT Magazine - Don Miller Responds to Pat Robertson

Posted using ShareThis

Inside Out, just like Lance

I have arms…look every one I really have arms! I have a nose. I have ears! My eyes are brown!

How absurd would it be if I ran around the city telling people that I had obvious body parts? Pointing out the obvious doesn’t seem to have much glamour or relevance does it? In a similar notion wouldn’t it be odd if I ran around telling people I was seven feet tall or had green eyes. The reality is that I do have a nose and I do have arms, nicely defined if I might add, and am only 5’9” and have brown eyes though. It makes sense that people would be unimpressed with my captain obvious antics, but also confused by my glaring embellishments of height or eye color. Furthermore what sense would it make to boast of something internal and unseen, say, like an abnormally large liver or something of the sorts. Most would scratch their head, laugh, or just walk away in response to me charismatically announcing my enlarged liver. What does it matter to them, it is some unseen, internal aspect that does not affect them. It would be bizarre to anyone that I encountered wouldn’t it? This parallel has become increasingly appropriate for Christianity and faith as I’ve watched and listened to modern environment of society.

The more discontent I became with the religious temperature of our society the more I was lead to do something epic and risqué. I approached the beast from behind as it lay to rest in its comfort, I hold the cold steel of a knife to my side with great confidence, and consider the implications of the impending deed. Sounds like quite the dramatic scene doesn’t it? I used to have a large cross and bible verse on the back of my truck. I’m speaking of the day I removed the cross and bible verse from the back window of my truck. As I carefully removed the vinyl from the glass I could not ignore the dilemma of theologies etched into my soul. Was I denying Jesus? Was I denying my faith? What was the reason for the unbraiding of my chariot? What would my friends think of me? Was I doing this just so I could cut people off in traffic with no guilt?

I’ve heard so many people opposed and down right furious about removing the ten commandments from judicial buildings and such. I don’t think they belonged there in the first place because it crushes the separation of church and state, but that’s another topic all together. We fight to keep prayer in schools and cry at the thought of the word God being taken out of pledges of allegiance to countries. I typically bring my backpack with me anywhere I go. So much that I’ve had friends call it my man purse because I bring it everywhere with me like a woman does a purse. In my backpack are my bible, lap top, ipod, journal, and whatever book I may be reading at the time. I figure you never know when you will get a moment to read, write, reflect, or use these items. A co-worker asks to borrow my bible one morning. I give it to her without questioning because people have all sorts of agendas and reasons for reading this book. She begins to ask me where she can find certain ideas and principles in the Bible, which finally leads me to ask what she is doing. She was writing a letter to one of our senators who had voted yes on a certain law or motion. My natural response was, “Is he a Christian?” Her response, “I don’t know.” She gingerly continues to work on writing her letter full of scripture passages. My thoughts go something like this… What if I received a letter from a stranger quoting a book I don’t know or believe or interprets the same way they do, offering me instructions based o that book? How would I feel if Muslims were fighting to have their public prayers spoken in public school. What if there were something I didn’t believe that someone was pushing on me? I’d be highly offended and feel a little oppressed to tell the truth. Why is it that we do not consider this more often though?

Painfully my mind toils pondering if Jesus really meant for things to be the way they are. It seems to me as I have read the Bible and Jesus’ ministry that He was a lot more concerned with our interior changing. He seemed to be concerned with something unseen and internal changing. Seems to me Jesus was more concerned with changing the unseen. Seems to me that He knew the implications of this change would be reflected externally in good time. What good does it do to brag about something people cannot see? The removal of my external expression of faith on my automobile had more to do with respecting others and not being so irrelevant to think an internal truth should be boasted about freely. This is not to say one should not speak of their faith. We will get there shortly. I don’t make it a practice to watch men in spandex for several hours or read about them, but there is an exception I’ve made once. I was very fascinated by Lance Armstrong and his many victories of Tour de France. Lance Armstrong’s success is due in large part to his enlarged heart. This unseen attribute makes itself very known by it’s extension of application or action. His heart pumps more blood than the normal heart because of it’s size. This gives Lance Armstrong the keen advantage of have longer endurance and strength than most of his competitors. If he were a librarian in North Dakota somewhere his enlarged heart would mean nothing. In North Dakota he would be a freak of nature to run around bragging about his enlarged heart. How did the general public find out about his heart condition? His winning so interested people that we wanted to dig deeper into the reason behind his successes. Because of that we found out through tests and such he had an abnormally large heart.

Quackers and Amish seem to have captured my heart recently. While I don’t have the manliness to grow a gnarly beard like my Amish friends or motivation to build everything by hand or not own or drive a vehicle I admire their ethics and principles in practice. While I love progressive music too much to abandon my likes for the Quacker hymns I do applaud their lifestyles. They are people of simplicity. They have great faith, but not people you will ever see or hear amongst the chatter of the world. Their voices are steady yet silent. Their faith is great yet they do not raise flags and banners to advertise it. I know many people who raise these banners and flags of their faith, but are some of the most miserable folks I’ve met. The liberation Jesus promised doesn’t seem to be in them at all. They seem to be like I would be to others speaking of my seven foot frame or green eyes. Sure, they can speak eloquently, but what people see doesn’t match what they hear, thus becoming irrelevant or foolish. As crazy as it sounds to rant and rave about having arms and pointing out obvious things most Christians run around telling of their faith and such and they will either get one of the above-mentioned reactions. They either seem crazy for pointing out obvious things or ignorant for boasting of characteristics that they do not posses. Doesn’t it seem much more practical to allow the internal to reflect itself naturally in life, thus creating curiosity, and finally creating dialogue?

I beg you now friends, put down your flags, put away your megaphones, dispose of your cross t-shirts, and trust that the Holy Spirit inside of you will doing the speaking naturally and doesn’t need your help. May you trust your internal to become external. May you be patient and not allow your mouth to precede your heart. May your lifestyle speak more of your faith than any eloquent monologue ever could. May you live the lifestyle of faith Jesus taught and lived, one of simplicity, peace, and patience. May you live your life from the inside out.

Losing Faith

“Please pray for me I feel like I am about to walk away from my faith. Everything seems to be taking a turn for the worse and I am super lost.”
-Anonymous

I’m not sure who wrote this on a forum I am part of, but my heart broke as soon as I read it. Nope, I’m not sad that they are about to walk away from their faith. Nope I’m not sad they are lost. Nope I am not sad that things seem to be taking a turn for the worse for them. While this may seem harsh on my part I prescribe a deeper issue to my heart ache and profound truth at the core of this person’s outlook on their faith. Maybe I assume something that does not exist within this cry for help, but I know that I have had very similar prayer requests within the past 2 years. Naturally I sympathize with this based upon my experience. Maybe my assumptions are not correct for this person, but they guide me to revisit my own dilemmas and similar struggles I think many people these days go through. I left the church gathering I was attending and helped start when I first moved here about 2 years into it. The more I read the bible for myself and questioned things the more I felt like I was being moved in a different direction. I joined a new up and coming community that would commonly be referred to as a church. I’m not saying anything was holistically wrong with either of these gathering establishments, but bringing up the fact that any religious group united by common beliefs tend to be deemed as church. As I began to pull away from this community due to some personal issues and my life moving in a new direction with my fiancée I felt even more tension between myself and those who share my faith. While following the new direction I began feeling pulled away from the communities and practices of the religious organizations I had been involved with. The great debate was conceived with the question of, “What if where I’m headed is contrary to my religion? What if where my faith leads me is not where the religious organizations or traditions lead? Is my faith in question? Is there something wrong with my faith because it doesn’t neatly fit within the mass religious populace of my day?” What kept me awake late into the night and early morning was the maddening thought that I was leaving my faith or something was wrong with me because I was falling away from my faith. In all actuality though I found out, through much inner toil and turmoil, that my faith was secure, it was my religious preferences that were changing.

Faith is not religion. Faith is not tradition. Faith is not an organization. When the line between faith, at its purest identity, and religion is blurred and these two become homogenous the product can be and most often is painfully, gut-wrenchingly, yet beautifully difficult inner dialogue. It is a dialogue between the soul, Holy Spirit, and man’s natural tendency to choose other forms of affirmation rather than simply trust in what they have already. As I reflect upon the studies I have done within the Bible and Jesus’ ministry I see that He indeed was about changing the religious temperature of the day. This caused a lot of drama and ultimately got him inhumanely murdered. Jesus says to a bunch of Jewish men that he came to divide (Matthew 10). He says it in the context of calling them to be His disciples. I think this means that Jesus was dividing them apart from their religious culture. Jesus’ way and lifestyle divide Him and his followers from all those religious people of the day, all their traditions, and all their organized gatherings. This kind of stuff must have been brewing back in that day. I mean the early followers had to be questioning themselves, this new way of living based on this new idea of faith, and all that came with it. And as they did they were separated from the established religion of that day. If It happened then and culture is cyclical, as it has made itself known to be with the recent rebirth of plaid and bright neon clothing, then why would it be so farfetched that this is the same thing happening today to those exploring their faith deeper?

When exploring anything we look for stability. As a child when we make our first attempts at the freedom that comes with being a biped we look to grab a table or the nearest form of stability. It makes sense to me that when we are stumbling through our faith our innate response is to seek stability. At the core of our faith is a great mystery, it is harder to just rely on that for stability so we frantically grab for other forms of it. The nearest form of stability that is close to our faith is the religion that boasts the same faith. The problem is created when we depend on that religion for our stability of affirmation though. This is a problem because the religion isn’t as stable as it seems to be. If culture changes than the religious practices must, but we find a religion that still looks starkly indistinguishable from hundreds of years into our history. Since culture is inevitably changing one must also consider that religious practices or organizations will. If we look for stability in something that is truly unstable than how can we be stable at all when exploring? The question I’ve always has is, “Why can we not trust that the Holy Spirit lives in us (if we have faith) and will work it all out?” Why is it that we cannot trust the truth of the Holy Spirit indwelling us? Maybe if we trusted Him more we would trust and rely on religious affirmation less, thus avoiding such painful pondering like weather or not we are losing our faith. The Holy Spirit, God, Jesus are absolute. They do not change. Although they are not transparent and readily understandable in full we can trust in their stability.

So I’d say to this person and every person who is struggling with their faith and trying to wrestle through all this Jesus stuff, “Good for you! Continue to wrestle for it is through that dilemma that the most liberation comes.” Questioning your faith is always a better sign of a spiritual pulse than religious conformism. May you trust that your faith is intact even when you don’t fit within the religion. May you feel the freedom that comes from trusting the Holy Spirit to lead you rather than religion.

Friendship

A two syllable word has become powerful, mystical, and yet allusive at the same time. A word that can bring color to the fair cheek of a little girl or tears to a grown man has become one tossed around like a hot potato. Life moves so fast that we never stop to question even the words we use, why we use them, and if we understand the implications of them. What is this word? Friend or any form of it, i.e. friendship, friendly, etc. I’ve often asked myself and others if friendship is something based upon circumstances, but recently have been challenged to delve even deeper and further back into this curious word; a word so powerful it can bring about the full gambit of emotions.

Who are your friends? What is it that makes them a friend? What must be done to attain the capacity of friend? These are all valid questions upon the voyage of this discovery.

A friend is someone that you are involved in a relationship with that is intimately connected with you on a platonic level. The intimacy of the relationship truly depends on each parties level of trust and respect within this relationship. What about time investment? Is it a large investment that pays out over the rest of your life, like childhood friends, or continuous investments on a regular basis, like a school friend? Intimacy, frequency, and humility are the key materials it takes to build and understand friendship. Intimacy and frequency can have differing levels at a static practice, but humility is absolutely key. Wait a minute, am I missing something? As much as you may think this question should be posed as open ended, it is, in fact, rhetorical. Most would say that there needs to be a bond, something or someone that bonds them, an experience or some sorts. The core dilemma in that element lies in its uncertainty. Experiences or circumstances change, as well as people and items. Friendship is such a complex thing to deal with because analysis typically is done so externally. Friendship is so complex because it is an attempt to bond two beings that have completely unique characteristics. Maybe friendship will never be understood completely because it ultimately comes down to something spiritual, something beyond our psyche. It comes down to two souls connecting in such a way they become bonded. While I attempt to explore some aspects of friendship I will not offer arrogance and say I have it figured out.

I have had the hardest time with understanding friendship these last 4 years of my life. Growing up in a city where you were born you know all the same people and meet new people through the people you know. I had that rug uncomfortable pulled from beneath my feet in March of 2006 when I decided to move to Indianapolis. I had no connections, thus no connecting points, to even begin with. I had to start with a clean slate. I think this was a painful process, but as I look back, has aided me in my understanding and attitudes towards friendship. I suppose naivety lead me to believe that friendships were based upon a common bond, like school, sports, mutual friends, clubs, or some other tangible factor. External elements always change, we have no control over it as the nature of the world is change. Change is inevitable. Unfortunately for many something as intimate as a friendship is based upon an ever changing element, some external bonding mechanism. This is not to say the mechanism or bonding element is evil or bad in itself. These elements simply help in the process of creating a bond. Circumstantial bonds are relied so heavily upon that in the aftermath of change are broken hearts, relationships, and deep seeded emotional trauma (whether or not we are willing to admit to it). If Mortal Combat were a reality and someone could actually reach through my chest cavity and rip my heart out there would be issues immediately. Beyond even your physical reaction and natural physics and anatomy you would suffer from mental anguish almost as painful. Your mind understands that you need a heart to live, thus crudely ripping it out would result in distress because you are missing something necessary for life. The same is true of friendships. Too many friendships are left in the wastes of our pasts because mentally we believe there is an element, physically, that is necessary. The necessary element is a bond based on circumstances or tangible, inevitably changeable factors. It makes sense then that one would freak when the essential, or so they think, is taken away. “I just wish things could be like they used to be…” At first I thought there was some cruel joke being played on me because everyone of the people I considered friends would ay this to me, almost in unison, in pitch, tone, and rhythm. I used to allow this to bother me too. I would analyze myself looking for whatever wrong I had done to change everything. What could I do to get things back to the way they used to be. I quickly learned that my search was pointless and quite empty. I began to ask, “Why would you want things to go back to the way they were?” I am now engaged, growing exponentially in my faith, full of joy, peace, and happiness. I have finished school, advanced professionally, given back to the community, and obtained so many other treasures from pure experience of things changing. Why would I want to give all that back? I can say the same of many of my friends. Why would we want things to go back? If the understanding is our friendship is based upon a certain bond and that bond has changed then it is understandable why we would want to get back. I’d like to challenge the thinking that it is one inert element that creates and sustains friendships. Excepting change and looking at our experience of friendship as the bond rather than the elements that made the bond would lead people to such freedom in the relationships they find themselves in.

Can we even find ourselves in friendships and relationships though? Magically we awake to being surrounded by friends that we just happen to stumble upon…is this reality? Relationships are intentional. Friendships take work. I think there are plenty of acquaintances we can have based upon the frequency in which we see or experience people and circumstances. It takes effort to allow intimacy. This intimacy is what makes a friendship different from a stranger you see frequently in the local coffee shop. Maybe this frequent common bonding element will aid in the beginning of a friendship, but the reality is that it will take work. Frequency cannot be the cornerstone of a friendship. Frequency is inevitably changeable. Any house built upon a shifting foundation will fall, much like a friendship built upon or understood to be built upon irregular happenings. I used to be the single, available, always involved guy at the local church community I help start. I was very frequent in circumstances, in circles, and gatherings. My frequencies lead me and others to believe we were friends. There are two people from that community I still speak to or consider friends. Obviously frequency doesn’t build friendship. However, if the mentality that frequency does is there then it is destined to fail and leave emotions open to pain. “We used to hang out al the time man, are we still friends?” Or even better, the attitude taken that if a person does not have an increased frequency then somehow his friendship is questioned. Frequency cannot and should not determine a friendship.

Seems to me that even these two, frequency and bonding elements, factors are at the forefront of friendships but fail to be sturdy for construction. What is it then that makes friendship? It is an internal element, the one only you and I can monitor or control. We have a sense of control when change occurs within ourselves. The madness that comes from external change does not exist when one changes from within. Friendship is based upon an individual. This appears to be a quirky explanation for a relationship that includes more than one person. Is a person willing to accept another person? Does this connection between souls, unexplainable in nature, warrant a personal response? If the answer is yes then the individual work begins. Effort, respect, and trust are key to friendship and each comes from within an individual. When these changeable elements transform we are left with nothing but ourselves. Within that self there is a decision making process that must be worked through. Will I allow this connection to be lost over things I cannot control or will I control myself and the elements I can in order to see to it that it works? It is easy to kick and scream about frequency and elements changing, but what happens when you realize that those don’t matter anyways? We aren’t involved in the same community any more, so what, what are you going to do about it? I have different priorities, thus different frequencies, what are you going to do about it. Can you reaching and change me? Can you change my personal choices or elements? The answer is no, so why would you allow yourself to become distressed by them? The reality is that friendship takes work, hard work. It would be easy and convenient if all of our friends were based upon like circumstances and frequencies, but then they would not allow for change. Are we willing to allow change in our friendships? If so do these changes just make friendship more difficult or tear away at the very essence of what it is? The answer to this question will reveal who a friend is or is not. If you miss that friend, stop wishing things were the same as they were, stop wishing away change. Make the call, make the effort to keep that connection you so miss. The reality is that this unexplainable connection of beings takes work when things change, which is unavoidable, thus work is also obligatory.

May you be a good friend. May you check your presuppositions about friendships at the door and not allow changeable circumstances to be the foundation you build on. May you reconnect the friendships you miss. May you accept change and work diligently to have friends and healthy friendships.

OMG…she was kissing who?

The spirit of the Christmas season has crept its way and become comfortable within me lately. As a result my radio has been tuned to a radio station that plays non-stop seasonal tunes to meet my veracious appetite for Christmas entertainment. Furthermore, even the gym I work at from 5-730am plays non-stop Christmas music. This music is everywhere! This increased frequency in seasonal listening has amplified my listening so much that I know the words. I was riding in the car with J driving while listening to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause when something like an epic light bulb shown above my head. In a moment of sheer brilliance and epiphany hit me like a mac truck…

This song is not about a mother’s infidelity with a fat man who creeps into houses and wears unfashionable red suits. The actual significance of the song is an adolescent’s realization of Santa and father being one person.

Yup, that just happened. Wrap your mind around that one folks!

Merry Christmas, hopefully you got a chuckle out of this.